Hey Asshole, get your shit together!

Ever have a bad day and then someone goes and does something to make it all that much worse? Yeah, me too. So for once, I’m following the age old advice of “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Instead, I’d like these lovely little notepads from Knock Knock to speak for me.

Hint: click the image to see all the deets!

Oh my word.

We’re back in stationary land today with some more fabulous cards I picked up at my local Target the other day. The line is called Oh My Word and is from recovering ad writer, Leslie Kolk, whom I believe, might just be my sister from another mister. Here is her mantra, some of which sounds just like mine and is why I am instantly smitten with her:

I am fascinated with death.
I laugh when people fall.
I get a kick out of watching bad dancers. Who doesn’t?
I think people should say what they are thinking.
Even if it hurts. Especially if it hurts.
I think cards should speak like we do.
Or at least, like I do.

Leslie’s cards are witty, biting, ironic, self deprecating and pretty much say what you wish you could say. Which is exactly what I want in a card! I like to keep a stock of birthday cards on hand so I’m always prepared. These are the ones I picked up from the collection. See more of the collection at Jack Cards.

Please excuse my shitty iPhone photos :)

Basic utilities

It’s no secret that I love greeting cards. Like, love them! But sometimes finding just the right card is harder than you’d expect. You know who it’s for and you know their sense of humor but sifting through rows and rows of ridiculously cheesy cards, that some woman and her three unruly children are inevitably standing in front of, makes you want to stick needles in your eyes. Ok, maybe it’s not that bad but you know what I’m saying.

Well it appears help has arrived. The Utility Card uses a word search puzzle to hide over 100 classic well wishes. Simply circle the sentiment you want to communicate and the card is ready for any occasion. Blank space for writing an actual message is provided on the back. And as if it wasn’t already the perfect card, it gets better in that it’s letterpressed on extra thick tree-free paper that uses cotton fiber waste from textile manufacturing. AND for the ultra lazy, it even comes with a cheat-sheet* to help you find the right words. Genius!

we go together

Me likey!

From shopsaplingpress on Etsy

Happy penis

Bwahahahahahaha! I think I have found my new favorite card shop – lemonswithapea on Etsy! The woman behind the show is Robin Plemmons and she likes to make people feel good. Sometimes by making them pee. Which I kind of enjoy to tell you the truth because there is nothing like laughing so hard that you pee a little.

:)

Fill in the blank

Usually reserved for tests given to school-age children, prepare yourself for a new kind of fill in the blank. With these Fill in the Blank Cards, you can say exactly what you want, when you want, and to whom you want! You can customize each card to your liking, AND, the inside has been left blank  – just in case you have more than one word to say… Doh!

via Holycool

Get with the program.

I’m designing a bunch of items for my BFF’s wedding in October. Programs are among the items and I came across this idea today via WeddingGawker. I’ve always thought of programs as kind of the awkward, anti-social cousin of the wedding suite. There’s always the question of where to put them and who gets the responsibility of handing them out. But this idea, using them as part of the decor themselves, is genius! Hang one on every chair so that people can look at them and take them if they want, and if not, you won’t find them strewn all over the floor after the ceremony!

Mean Cards

Born out of self pity after losing a job, an apartment, and a studio – all in the same week, mind you – is Mean Cards. They pretty much tell it like it is, without all the pretty colors and aromatic perfumes to cover up what is really going on. If your friends won’t be honest with you, rest assured there is a Mean Card that will.

via My Modern Met

It ain’t over ’till it’s over.

Proof that the mustache trend still lives on with this Simply Stated Father’s Day Card from Simple Matters on Etsy. This one may take a while to play out for me.

What the Eff?

Allow me to introduce you to The Effing Card Company, brainchild of Darren Millar of Regal Clothing Co. Clearly, there is no longer a need to tirelessly hunt for the perfect card – The Effing Card Company has them all; for every occasion. So now you can tell everyone (enemies included) how the eff you really feel. And if it is an enemy you’d like to share your feelings with, Darren will even mail the card for you. Anonymously.

Effing fantastic!

via Holycool