Hey Asshole, get your shit together!

Ever have a bad day and then someone goes and does something to make it all that much worse? Yeah, me too. So for once, I’m following the age old advice of “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Instead, I’d like these lovely little notepads from Knock Knock to speak for me.

Hint: click the image to see all the deets!

Oh my word.

We’re back in stationary land today with some more fabulous cards I picked up at my local Target the other day. The line is called Oh My Word and is from recovering ad writer, Leslie Kolk, whom I believe, might just be my sister from another mister. Here is her mantra, some of which sounds just like mine and is why I am instantly smitten with her:

I am fascinated with death.
I laugh when people fall.
I get a kick out of watching bad dancers. Who doesn’t?
I think people should say what they are thinking.
Even if it hurts. Especially if it hurts.
I think cards should speak like we do.
Or at least, like I do.

Leslie’s cards are witty, biting, ironic, self deprecating and pretty much say what you wish you could say. Which is exactly what I want in a card! I like to keep a stock of birthday cards on hand so I’m always prepared. These are the ones I picked up from the collection. See more of the collection at Jack Cards.

Please excuse my shitty iPhone photos :)

Historic pictograms

Creative station, H-57, embarked on a recent project creating historical figures out of pictograms. Amazing how they’ve managed to interject such wit into such minimalistic design. Michael Jackson is my favorite.

via Ignant

August 16 is a very important day!

Today is no joke, people! Three very important things are happening. Today is …

1. National Rum Day. Suh-WEET! Now I can blame my love of the drink on the nation. America made me do it!
2. National Bratwurst Day. Could there be a day more special than one devoted to a meat weiner? I mean, really.
3. National Tell a Joke Day. Good or bad, everyone has a favorite. What’s yours?

In honor of these fabulously made-up holidays, let’s celebrate! Here’s a little something in honor of each one.

National Rum Day

A recipe for a Strawberry Ginger Mojito from the over-the-top stylish gals at Fashionably Bombed, who were another highlight of my recent BlogHer ’11 experience. Check them out (later, obviously), they are AWE – SOME!

National Bratwurst Day

~1 lb of bratwurst
2 tbsp butter or olive oil, divided
I bag frozen tater tots or cubed potatoes
1/2 cup vegetable broth
1 yellow onion, sliced thin
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cheddar cheese, shredded

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook bratwurst in a pan – either sliced or remove casing and cook just the meat. Remove from pan and set aside.
2. Using the bratwurst pan, cook onions in butter until translucent and tender. Deglaze with the veggie broth.
3. While onions are cooking, cook potatoes in olive oil in a separate pan until brown and tender.
4. Place cooked potatoes in a casserole dish.
5. When onions have finished cooking, mix them with the bratwurst meat and sour cream and layer on top of the potatoes.
6. Layer cheese on top and cook for 15 minutes or until hot and bubbly.

National Tell a Joke Day

• What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?  Helephino!
• What do you call an Ethiopian with a penny on its head? a Quater-Pounder!
• What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.

I cannot and will not be held responsible for the validity of these holidays or the quality of these jokes. So there.

True confessions

This is generally how I feel about myself. It’s only a matter of time before people catch on.

I am not afraid.

But perhaps I should be. This is an email I just sent … to my entire company. The subject was: Dishes do not do themselves.

While I wish the subject of this email were true, sadly, it’s not. We have a communal kitchen space here at the office and more often than not, I find it stacked with dirty dishes. Please, oh please, won’t you help out in keeping our kitchen space clean and our dishes placed where they belong so they are available and accessible to everyone?

The dishwasher typically gets run once a day. If you come into the kitchen and…

• the dishwasher is full and dirty, run it.
• the dishwasher is full and clean, empty it.
• the dishwasher is running, hand wash your dishes and put them away.
• you meet with clients and they put their dishes in the sink, come back after the meeting and place your client’s dishes in the dishwasher.  
• you see someone else emptying the dishwasher, assist them.
  

Whatever you do, please avoid stacking dirty dishes in the sink. Inevitably it befalls one person to enter the kitchen at the wrong time and have to empty the dishwasher and then dispose of everyone else’s dirty dishes. So won’t you please help out and be a dishwasher too? When we all work together it makes the kitchen, the office and life in general, a cleaner and happier place.

Thanks! 

Suppose I should be expecting a pink slip to show up in my mailbox on Monday?

I hate you … the email reasons.

Email seems to be the most prominent form of communication these days. And while I admit, it’s the quickest and usually most convenient in the era of smart phones, it’s not always the most effective. Case in point, these examples from the Oatmeal. I’ve experienced all of them. The second one I get almost EVERY. DAY. and the last one comes from my dad, at least weekly.

Really, people? Get with the program.

My morning coffee

My morning coffee needs to be drunk out of this mug because it sums up my mornings pre-coffee to a tee!

I’m Comic Sans, Asshole!

For all you designers out there, this little video is sure to make you smile!

via Like Cool

best-of-craigslist

Am I behind the times because I had NO idea about the best-of-craigslist and the magnitude of freak show that it is. Did you know about this? Oh Lordy, I need to catch up! These are just some of the deliciousness that is the best of…

Manhood Camping
Personal Assistant
Cat Hats
Expensive Loser
Jogging Partner
Time Machine
Beard Mentor