BlogHer’11 recap, all virgin-like.

As I mentioned here, I attended the BlogHer’11 conference in San Diego last week. Not knowing what to expect or really what I wanted out of it, I went in with a pretty open mind and personality ON. I don’t know that what I have to say could really be considered bad as everyone in attendance was coming from a different place and thus will have a different takeaway. Kind of like assholes and opinions if you know what I’m saying. Anyhoo … here are my highlights, in no particular order (except for the first two cuz they totally deserve shout-outs).

I made a new friend.
Yes, indeedy, people, I made a new friend. To some this may be insignificant and irrelevant because in a conference of no less than 3,000 women, how could you not make friends; but this is something different entirely to me. I am not popular. I don’t make friends easily – lasting ones anyway, the kind that will publicly admit to being your friend even at your bitchiest. And this person is no exception. She is Deviled Megs and is hilariously funny, quick-witted, mini (like me) and adorable in every way possible. And I kinda love her. Not in that way perv. Get your mind out of the gutter.

BOB!
As in BOB HARPER!? Yes, that BOB, whom I may or may not have publicly professed my love to for on a number of occasions. Come to find out that as he was making an appearance Saturday morning at the Quaker booth. I about wet myself when I heard. However, I immediately threw attending out the window as I figured there would be all 3,00 women in attendance and I pretty much loathe trying to squirm my way through a crowd. But as it turns out I was up, dressed, and ready in time so I figured, what the hell!

I get to the booth area and nearly wet myself again at the fact that not only is Bob there, but I can see him, clearly. Without 3,000 fatties in front of me (I mean that in the nicest of ways)! So I got in line to have my photo taken with him and it all went downhill from there.

The Quaker rep at the front who offered to take my picture, though lovely as she was, was clearly done with taking photos. She hands me my camera back and I look at the photo only to find the most gawdawfulshittiest picture ever. What I thought in my head, “Um, REALLY??” What I said in real life, … nothing :(

See for yourself. This is what she took.

Right? I look like I’m trying to hold in a fart and Bob is apparently trying to catch flies. Seriously, Quaker girl, it’s a DIGITAL CAMERA! Just sayin.

So, fast forward a few hours and a BIG thanks to the lovely people at Dannon Oikos (the Key Lime is particularly delicious btw), I was given an opportunity to redeem the Quaker girl and get a better photo. Clearly I have to do everything myself. Check it.

See what I mean? Vast improvement.

The Bucket
I love free shit. It’s like my motto or something. So as I did with the food because it was everywhere. ALL. THE. TIME, I took it. And BlogHer’11 had no shortage of free shit. People were practically throwing it at you there was so much of it. But they also had a really great Swag Exchange program sponsored by P & G in which you could trade your less than optimum free shit for some super fantastic, totally usable free shit, which, in my case, was a Lowe’s bucket full of home improvement supplies. Since I just completed a bathroom renovation and am smack dab in the middle of another one (which I have yet to share with you so prepare yourselves – it’s effing awesome), I’m pretty sure I squealed like a schoolgirl when I saw the Lowe’s bin. While I love free shit, I am also very practical. And this stuff I knew I could use. So I took it.

The best part of the bucket, however, was later, as I was carrying around through the expo area. At one point I stopped and was chatting up the Lowe’s people, thanking them profusely for my wonderful goodies. Our conversation ends and I reach down to retrieve my bucket and notice there is TRASH IN IT IT! Can you believe that? Apparently I looked like such a hobo that during the 5 minutes I was standing there, someone dropped their garbage into my bucket! All I could do was laugh. But that didn’t last long because I saw no less than 3 women the very next day carrying the exact. same. bucket. Take that, hobo haters!

Flash Mob
The first day of the conference, the Mama Mary show and Rock on Mommies staged a fabulous flash mob. I have only seen these on TV but they look like so much fun. I wish I had done a little more research ahead of time to figure out how I could have participated in it. I will grant you that they are a bit overdone now, especially with many of them breaking the cardinal rule of releasing the date and time of the mob. But it’s not enough to turn me away – I wanna do one!

Eggs
While, yes, in a conference of over 3,000 there a lot of eggs, those are the eggs to which I am referring. During the conference, everyone was all, “Tweet this for a chance to win,” and, “Tweet that for a chance to win.” And there I am all, “I don’t Tweet.” Hence, my recent submission.

Deviled Megs even won a bunch of stuff. An awesome cookbook, a new doormat, and Lord knows what the hell else. Well, peeps, perhaps my luck is about to change. This morning I received a very nice email informing me I had won 3 month of Eggland’s Best Eggs! Yay me! Quiche, anyone?

Awwww, Fark.
I may have been a trucker in my previous life. My repertoire of curse words certainly speaks to that. Fark is a word Deviled Megs and I heard in one of the BlogHer’11 sessions. I wasn’t sure I heard correctly so I asked DM for confirmation. Yes, indeed, she’d heard it too, and was also unaware of its meaning. So rather than look it up, we decided to use it as an alternative to my more favorable of f-words, I’m pretty sure you know which one. So the rest of the weekend consisted of Fark that! and What the Fark? and Awww, Fark! And I’m not going to lie, it was lots of fun. But for the record, I still don’t know what Fark is, even after I looked it up. Perhaps the folks at the Negro Space Program are on to something.

There is much more to discuss about my time at BlogHer’11 but this here post is getting ridiculously long so we’ll have to save that for another time. Hopefully this one will leave you salivating for more wonderful stories of debauchery. If not, then Fark you.

 

Carbohydrate Friday!

Surprisingly enough, I found this recipe on a a gluten-free blog – Hey, that tastes good! . I’m not allergic to anything so most of the recipes had too obscure ingredients for me to attempt them (what can I say – I’m a simpleton), but this one had very few ingredients, was really quite simple and sounds super tasty. And it has mashed potatoes in it so it can’t be bad!

MASHED POTATO EGG BOATS

1 c leftover mashed potatoes

a big pinch of shredded cheese

4 eggs

Preheat the oven to 400 and put your muffin pan into the oven to heat up. When hot, drop a teaspoon of butter into each one. Roll your potatoes into balls, then press into preheated pan and hollow out, pushing the potatoes up along the sides. Bake 10-15 minutes, until starting to brown. Loosen the sides (this will help later), sprinkle in a little cheese, and crack and egg into each potato cup. Bake until the egg whites are set, and serve immediately, sprinkled with salt and pepper.

Eggs Benedict, anyone?

Add these puppies to my list of must-haves. A couple weekends ago, admittedly hungover, I got a hankering for some eggs benedict. Looking far too haggard and feeling much too like ass to go to breakfast, I decided I would make it myself. Keep in mind I have never made eggs benedict before, which includes poached eggs. Sure, I’ve had them. I know what they look like – what they taste like. No problem, right? Um, yeah. Not so much.

After following the instructions in my handy Southern Living cookbook to a tee – slowly slide the egg into a pot of just barely simmering water… In about 30 minutes, you’ll have an egg-cake. Yuck.

But no more! These Poachpods will completely uncomplicate your hungover Sunday breakfast and give you perfectly poached eggs every time! Simply crack an egg into the FDA-approved silicone pod and float the pod in some boiling water. When the egg is ready, flip the nonstick pod inside out and push out your beautifully dome-shaped breakfast. Even better? The Poachpods are dishwasher and microwave safe. Now that’s a lazy man’s breakfast if I’ve ever seen one!