Halloween is right around the corner, which, for you breeders, means it’s all about kids. I’m a kid on the inside and while I don’t still go trick-or-treat’ing, I do love me a good costume opportunity. I also eat all the candy I buy for the trick-or-treaters but that’s beside the point. This year the one thing I am really looking forward to is torturing my dog with his very own Halloween costume. He has put me through enough shit in the last year and you know what they say about payback. It’s a bitch.
Here are some options I’m considering. I could make it a family affair and go with the themed costumes, the bacon and egg I already have. This would allow me to call my dog Little Chef just like in Ratatouille.
The rest of these are so much on the theme but they are adorable and made me laugh. I know my dog would try to eat just about anything I put him in so I don’t really want to spend a bunch of money on something that is only going to last 10 minutes, but the idea is cute anyway.
The arms on this one made me literally laugh out loud!
You can never go wrong with the headless horseman!
Perhaps if he were a leprechaun, it would bring me some good luck!
Or maybe he should just show his true colors and be what he really is. Damien.
Today is no joke, people! Three very important things are happening. Today is …
- National Rum Day. Suh-WEET! Now I can blame my love of the drink on the nation. America made me do it!
- National Bratwurst Day. Could there be a day more special than one devoted to a meat weiner? I mean, really.
- National Tell a Joke Day. Good or bad, everyone has a favorite. What’s yours?
In honor of these fabulously made-up holidays, let’s celebrate! Here’s a little something in honor of each one.
National Rum Day
A recipe for a Strawberry Ginger Mojito from the over-the-top stylish gals at Fashionably Bombed, who were another highlight of my recent BlogHer ’11 experience. Check them out (later, obviously), they are AWE – SOME!
National Bratwurst Day
~1 lb of bratwurst
2 tbsp butter or olive oil, divided
I bag frozen tater tots or cubed potatoes
1/2 cup vegetable broth
1 yellow onion, sliced thin
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cheddar cheese, shredded
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook bratwurst in a pan – either sliced or remove casing and cook just the meat. Remove from pan and set aside.
- Using the bratwurst pan, cook onions in butter until translucent and tender. Deglaze with the veggie broth.
- While onions are cooking, cook potatoes in olive oil in a separate pan until brown and tender.
- Place cooked potatoes in a casserole dish.
- When onions have finished cooking, mix them with the bratwurst meat and sour cream and layer on top of the potatoes.
- Layer cheese on top and cook for 15 minutes or until hot and bubbly.
National Tell a Joke Day
- What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino? Helephino!
- What do you call an Ethiopian with a penny on its head? a Quater-Pounder!
- What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.
One one hand I like to give a friendly bird to the holidays and just be done with it. On the other, I’d like to move in slow motion so I could actually enjoy some of it. But since neither of these will actually happen, perhaps some helpful tips to get us all through to January are in order.
- Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
- Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
- If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
- As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
- Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
- Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
- If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
- Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
- Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
- One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry. January is just around the corner.
This is the motto we should strive to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming a few “WOO HOOs” along the way!
Happy holidays from me and mine to you and yours. I’ll be back next week with a little less room in my pants and a little more cushion in my seat. Wishing you good tidings and lots of holiday cheer! Peace out!
Strangely, this has kinda sparked my holiday spirit. Kinda.