UPDATE YOUR BOOKMARKS – I’VE MOVED!

Hi friends! I’ve finally done it. I’ve moved! My little home on this corner of the internets, courteously hosted by WordPress.com for the last 3 years, has finally moved to its own place with its own url. I’m still populating it and tweaking it to look exactly the way I want it so please bear with me for a little bit. As always, a HUGE thank you for reading and I do hope you’ll stick around and follow me over to Internet Therapy’s new home: http://www.internettherapyblog.com/.

Words to live by

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This is a sad time for many, many people with the untimely passing of Steve Jobs yesterday. Sure, we all knew he was sick, but no one really ever expected him to die. Not so soon, anyway. He had a profound impact on many people’s lives, particularly those in creative industries and he will be greatly missed.

So rather than get all weepy, I thought we should look at it more positively and celebrate him. He was an incredibly insightful man and uttered some pretty powerful words on many occasions. Here are some of my favorites, many of which were taken from his commencement speech at Stanford in 2005.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. … Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

 

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

 

“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. … You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”

 

”Ask yourself: If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today? When the answer is “no” for too many days in a row, you know you’ve got to make a change.”

 

Need to get somewhere fast? I know how.

photo: from The Telegraph via Getty

This morning I’m pretty sure I discovered a direct correlation between exercise and speeding. Not only that but I also figured out how to relieve stress, increase focus, AND have more energy. Simply: work the fuck out. And yes, it really is that simple.

I had another Ripped Body Boot Camp class this morning and went in stressed out as hell with the major grouchies. You see, I was lovingly awoken at 4:30 this morning by my cat who was pissing all over MY BEDROOM CARPET! So, as you can imagine, not exactly the way one would prefer to wake up if given the choice. Luckily, the boot camp is at an ungodly early hour of the day, so I was going to need to get up shortly anyhow. I figured I’d go to class, get it over and done with and move on with my day. However, I was expecting the grouchies to follow me around like a lost puppy for most of it.

So I dragged my ass to class and worked out haaaaard. Strangely, anger is a pretty good motivator to push yourself through exercise… The hour flew by, I was sweating like a whore in church and I pushed myself so hard that my legs were actually shaking on my way out the door. In the car, drive home, shower, shit and shave. Okay, not exactly in that order but you get the idea.

So I’m driving along on the freeway thinking to myself as one person after another cuts me off, “Man! People are really driving like shit this morning!” A couple more exits fly by and I happen to think that perhaps its ME who’s driving like shit as I’m weaving in and out of lanes trying to pass people. Next thing I know, I look down and I’m going 90 mph! NINETY! And what’s weird is I didn’t think I was going anywhere near that fast because I honestly felt like I was going slow. I drive a Honda Civic and I’m not Asian, so what the hell would I be racing for? So given those facts I decided that due to the extreme workout I had just completed I now had a lead foot, which unknowingly, caused me to speed. And thus, my scientific discovery was made. Check please.

But seriously, aside from somehow evading a speeding ticket, I noticed late this afternoon (as I’m stuffing my face with free nachos at my office) that I feel pretty damn great (might have been the nachos). Okay, maybe great is taking it a little too far. But good, really good. I normally get the afternoon sleepies around 3 o’clock and those were nowhere to be found. The grouchies did not follow me to work as I had originally expected. AND, I was actually able to focus on my work and get shit done today, which has proved to be rather difficult as of late. So then I thought … aside from the whole speeding thing, this boot camp is doing a hell of a number on me. In a good way! And that makes me happy :)

So even if I do drink beer and eat a loaf of cheese bread this weekend (in my fat pants), which will forever condemn me to only be skinny on the inside, I’m thankful for these classes and all the other stuff they are doing for me! I just need to stay away from the po po!

Is it possible I’m thinner already?

So this is probably going to read a little bit like the diary of a fat girl, but what the hay (hey?) – you have to start somewhere. That’s me up there, holding a cheeseburger, talking about how I’m going to get skinny. Notice you don’t see the fries, which is merely because I’ve already eaten them. As I say every Friday, a lot of hard work and dedication went in to growing this ass. You aren’t just born with junk in your trunk, you’ve got to pack that shit in there! But no more dammit! DAMMIT, NO MORE!

You see, last week I joined a boot camp class – Ripped Body Bootcamp to be exact. The time for me to be a lazy, sloppy, muffin-top havin’, over-sized sweatshirt wearin’ fat ass is over. Over! Gravity is really getting me down these days, my fat pants are now simply “pants” and sucking in my gut makes my back hurt. And as someone recently told me, “Don’t wait until you feel like it. Just start!” And so I am.

But with as much trash talking as I do, I am not immune to exercise. Quite the opposite, really. A good workout is possibly the best stress reliever I’ve ever experienced. The more intense and spastic the movements, the better (think Elaine). I even ran a half marathon right around this time last year. And when I say ran, I mean I actually ran the whole thing – WITHOUT DYING! So me and exercise, we used to be tight. But after that fateful half last year, I fell off the wagon. I fell and fell hard, people!

I had some reservations about starting the classes as my mental picture of bootcamp was very military-esque, with lots of bullying, intimidation and yelling. Much to my surprise, however, my fears were eased almost instantly. The trainers are a super friendly, upbeat, adorable young married couple and the other ladies in the class are actually real people. Real, authentic women with weight/food/body image struggles just like mine. And the best part of the class? No one yelled at me! So what was the best part was also the most surprising. Ripped Body is a very non-traditional type of bootcamp. It was warm, inviting and felt safe.

Classes are just getting underway and they are held at an unholy hour of the day, long before the sun even considers rising! But I’m already up early (earlier than you’d care to know or I’d care to be), so I figure what’s an extra hour, right? Besides, if I get up, do it, then it will be done and I’ll have the whole rest of the day to do everything & anything else! Sounds great, right? It totally is, and I’m actually starting to feel a little obsessive about the whole exercise part of it already. Like, classes are 3 days a week and I’m wishing they were 4. Or even 5!

However, I’d like to remind you of my little carbohydrate problem, which has pretty much got a choke hold on me these days. I am old enough to know that being physically fit comes from a mixture of diet and exercise, but what I can’t figure out is how to get control of the whole diet part of that equation. I was raised on food. Celebrations – we ate. Vacations – we ate. Holidays – we ate. Happy times/sad time – we ate. When we were eating – we planned what we would eat next. And each meal needed to have 3 things – a meat or protein, a veggie, and a starch, with the starch being the largest, most obviously delicious, and most important item. That’s the way I was raised as a child and how I now live my life as an adult. I love food. I love the act of eating. I love cooking, smelling and even shopping for food. So you can see that I’ve got my work cut out for me with this whole “let’s not be a fat ass” thing.

But as much as I want to look hungry and have people whisper behind my back that someone should feed me a sandwich, I need to be realistic and know that is never going to happen. I will exercise, I will workout, sometimes religiously. But I’m also going to eat. And I’m going to eat potatoes and I’m going to eat bread. Because I enjoy it and that’s what life’s all about.

But dear God, fat ass, for the love of all that is holy, would you learn some portion control!?!?

Will work for money.

image via

This is my public and beyond ENORMOUS thank you to Jessica Hische for sharing her wisdom and knowledge of what she likes to call, “The Dark Art of Pricing.” If you don’t already know of Jessica, you must be living under a rock are about to fall in love. She is a designer/illustrator and is best known for her projects Daily Drop Cap and the Should I Work for Free flowchart. I’ve never met a designer who doesn’t know of (or kind of worship) her, even a little bit. She is crazy talented and considering how young she is, makes me love and hate her both at the same time.

Pricing is something all designers struggle with, even more so in today’s toilet bowl economy. So again, thank you, thank you, a million times thank you to Jessica for sharing some of her experiences with pricing! This is invaluable information to anyone working on their own and setting their own rates!

Ain’t too proud to beg.

Check out all those new and nifty little social media icons over there on the right. That’s right folks, I am now “officially” ass end into this whole social media thing. Although I would be exaggerating if I said it all made sense just yet. Long ways to go on that.

However, you can now follow me lots of places, not just on this here blog. You can follow me on Twitter. You can follow me on Facebook. You can follow me on Pinterest. So if you like me, won’t you Like Me, Like Me? Do it. Like Me!

P.S. I only need a few more “Likes” to get a real Facebook url. Currently I’m stuck with some janickty numbered one and that just won’t do. So get over to Facebook and Like Me already!

P.P.S. Please?

Stripped down

We have been up to our eyeballs in diy home improvement this summer. Last weekend I was pretty sure I had died and gone to Ikea furniture hell as I was buried in a room full of stuff requiring assembly with a piece of shut allen wrench. Needless to say, I probably stripped at least half the screws I put in, which is always good later if you ever need to take them out.

That was sarcasm just in case you didn’t recognize it…

Anyhow, thanks to this months edition of Good Housekeeping, husband can’t get mad at me for stopped screws. GH says simply to use a rubber band between the screwdriver an the screw if it’s been stripped. Use the small ones that come on produce bundles (although lifehacker says to use the wide bands) and you’ll get a good grip just like if you hadn’t jacked it all up!
Thanks, Good Housekeeping (and lifehacker)!

August 16 is a very important day!

Today is no joke, people! Three very important things are happening. Today is …

1. National Rum Day. Suh-WEET! Now I can blame my love of the drink on the nation. America made me do it!
2. National Bratwurst Day. Could there be a day more special than one devoted to a meat weiner? I mean, really.
3. National Tell a Joke Day. Good or bad, everyone has a favorite. What’s yours?

In honor of these fabulously made-up holidays, let’s celebrate! Here’s a little something in honor of each one.

National Rum Day

A recipe for a Strawberry Ginger Mojito from the over-the-top stylish gals at Fashionably Bombed, who were another highlight of my recent BlogHer ’11 experience. Check them out (later, obviously), they are AWE – SOME!

National Bratwurst Day

~1 lb of bratwurst
2 tbsp butter or olive oil, divided
I bag frozen tater tots or cubed potatoes
1/2 cup vegetable broth
1 yellow onion, sliced thin
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cheddar cheese, shredded

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook bratwurst in a pan – either sliced or remove casing and cook just the meat. Remove from pan and set aside.
2. Using the bratwurst pan, cook onions in butter until translucent and tender. Deglaze with the veggie broth.
3. While onions are cooking, cook potatoes in olive oil in a separate pan until brown and tender.
4. Place cooked potatoes in a casserole dish.
5. When onions have finished cooking, mix them with the bratwurst meat and sour cream and layer on top of the potatoes.
6. Layer cheese on top and cook for 15 minutes or until hot and bubbly.

National Tell a Joke Day

• What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?  Helephino!
• What do you call an Ethiopian with a penny on its head? a Quater-Pounder!
• What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.

I cannot and will not be held responsible for the validity of these holidays or the quality of these jokes. So there.

10 things

I was tagged by the lovely Marie, over at 1000 Reasons I’m a Bad Mom to reveal 10 things about me you don’t give two shits about probably don’t already know. Here goes.

1. My biggest fear is fire. I have a very realistic, albeit irrational, fear of my house burning down, potentially taking myself, my animals or my family with it. That, and one day becoming a crazy cat lady. Like I said, realistic, yet irrational.
2. I won’t eat raw tomatoes. Yuck. Cook them and it’s a whole other ballgame. I’ll eat the shit out of those.
3. I have an idea for a product I have no name for other than what it is: ass-crack deodorant. Thank God for g-strings because this girl has got a sweaty ass! My closest friends make fun of me and my swamp ass. One of them even gave me some Anti Monkey Butt Powder as a gift. But I know I’m not the only one - Kathy Griffin also has a sweaty ass.
4. I have 3 tattoos. This is the latest. And yes, one of them is a tramp stamp. Go figure.
5. In my 20′s I had the opportunity to go to school to become a zookeeper. I was a scientist before I was a designer and eventually wanted to work with animals, big cats in particular. Sometimes I wish I had taken the chance but I don’t want to look back with regrets so I file it away in the “what if” folder.
6. I have a tendency to say that I’m the least religious person I know. However, when I do, my mother always disagrees with me. She likes to then repeatedly tell a story about how we went to church once when I was very young and I came running out of Sunday school screaming, “JESUS. JESUS. JESUS.” Apparently that makes me religious?
7. I love jigsaw puzzles.
8. I am an only child. I also have a brother and a sister. Figure that one out.
9. I have a recurring dream in which I’m waiting tables drunk and I can’t remember anyone’s order. I’ve had this dream at least a dozen times, each time in a different place, but always drunk. Perhaps that’s my punishment for 20 years of waiting tables. God, I’m old.
10. I make my bed everyday. It was actually one of my (ok, the only) 2011 New Year’s resolution I made. Strangely, it makes me feel very organized.

Pretty spectacular list, no? Life altering information right there. Suck. It. Up, people. YES!

True confessions

This is generally how I feel about myself. It’s only a matter of time before people catch on.