Hours of remote controlled indoor fun?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of an Air Swimmer. Hear that? No? Well of course you don’t, because no one has. Except my mother, of course.

I was at my mom’s house for dinner the other night enjoying a lovely meal when she suddenly became very excited and told me about an email she had received earlier that day showcasing a wonderful new thing called an Air Swimmer. I kid you not, the woman was giddy with excitement. She went to great lengths describing said Air Swimmer, repeatedly saying how much she wants one and how much fun she would have with it. I didn’t quite get the jist of what the hell this thing was but something in my gut told me it was nothing to pee your pants over.

So despite my best attempts to avoid the conversation altogether, I somehow got wrangled into the office to see the infamous Air Swimmer email. My common sense had clearly escaped me as I thought it was going to be some type of interactive pool toy. Um, no. An Air Swimmer is exactly that – an AIR. SWIMMER. A cheap, plastic, sea-creature toy with a fan on the bottom of it that swims through the air via remote control. If you haven’t already watched the video above, do so. It is beyond ridiculous and way better than I could ever describe in words.

Now, if you were buying this for an 8-year-old, I would say, “Hey, great gift idea. Very unique.” But for an adult? Seriously? Perhaps one that has agoraphobia and was last seen on an episode of My Strange Addiction. But not my mother.

Mom (because I know you’re reading) … NO. Get a real hobby. Go swimming – IN A POOL. Get outside. This is NOT AN ACCEPTABLE HOBBY for a woman your age.

I’ll take “Jet Blue flights from hell for $1000,” Alex.

What has a golden shower, in-flight entertainment, drunken teenagers and a little bit of vomit? If you said a recent Jet Blue flight from Portland to JFK, you win! I feel a little bit like I’m about to tell on of those stories that starts with What’s grosser than gross? 

Just last night on a red-eye into New York, a drunken teenager, obviously blitzed out of his mind, either couldn’t or didn’t even attempt to make it to the airplane’s lavatory. Instead, he parked it 5 rows up and pissed all over an 11-year old girl, whose father was away using the actual lavatory. It goes without saying that the father was beyond upset, resulting in the pair being separated and the teen being relocated to the ass of the plane, adjacent to the restrooms (good thinking, Jet Blue, just a little too late).

Now, I’ve had men pee in in lots of places other than the toilet before (which a story for another time), but never on me. That’s an experience I’m not sure I could come back from. Poor girl, she’ll never want to put a weiner in her mouth now. He’s ruined her for like, ever.

But that’s not all. As if the flight wasn’t bad enough, another passenger, completely unrelated to the peeing incident, began to complain of chest pains and them promptly barfed all over himself. Of course not a single sole on the plane copped to being a nurse or doctor or even having any relatable medical knowledge so the poor sap had to suck it up, hold his breath and attempt to live for the remainder of the flight.

Upon landing, police and medical personnel raided the plane, took chest pains dude to the hospital and the pee-er  into custody. He was issued a summons for indecent exposure and released so fortunately for him, no jail time. I will say that I have never been on a flight as exciting as that. As long as you weren’t the 11-year old or the barfer, that’s some serious, although smelly, entertainment. However, if I am ever on a flight in which the entertainment is so good that they cancel, delay or terminate the flight, there will be hell to pay. Mark my words.

via New York Post

New segment: Pinterest WTF

I’m not even going to assume that there is one person left on the planet that isn’t already using Pinterest (especially with how frequently I get the “Ugh…” message). Now don’t get me wrong, I love Pinterest and would marry that damn website if I could, but sometimes I come across something that literally stops me in my tracks and makes me think, “WTF???” So instead of hogging all those finds to myself, I’m going to share them with you. Because I’m generous like that.

So let’s all welcome the inaugural WTF. I like to call him Unicorn Boy. I think he’s magical.

I’d like that moment of my life back, please.

I will get to my BlogHer ’11 recap shortly, but in the meantime, I need to share something else with you. On my train ride into work this morning, I read the newspaper. Leisurely, as I flip through the front page section, I notice an ad about a third of the way down the page. I read the headline, “It Only Takes One Day To Get Your Smile Back.” I am intrigued. And then I see the picture and it all changes.

SURE, IT MAY ONLY TAKE ONE DAY TO GET YOUR SMILE BACK, BUT EXACTLY HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO ERASE THAT VISUAL FROM MY MIND??????!!!!!! 

And because misery loves company, here you go. It’s blurry yes, because I am giving you the choice to click on it and see it in all its horrific detail. But if you do click on it, don’t blame me. I warned you!

best-of-craigslist

Am I behind the times because I had NO idea about the best-of-craigslist and the magnitude of freak show that it is. Did you know about this? Oh Lordy, I need to catch up! These are just some of the deliciousness that is the best of…

Manhood Camping
Personal Assistant
Cat Hats
Expensive Loser
Jogging Partner
Time Machine
Beard Mentor

My ex-wife is crazy

Well, not mine exactly, but I’d put money on it that yours is, if you have one. Lord knows my mister’s ex is. And how! And since misery loves company, there’s a whole site devoted to crazy ex-wives everywhere. Hmm, maybe not devoted to them. More like a bunch of shit-talking about them. So have at it – share your story or commiserate in the stories of others. Your choice, but as the site says, “Speak now or forever hold your grief.”

Hope for crazy cat ladies everywhere

Need I say more?

via Swag Like Me

People of Public Transit

Before you go looking at these photos, consider yourself warned – some of these are NOT for the faint of heart. Similar to the public debacle that is People of WalMart, People of Public Transit is a visual display of why I don’t take the bus. Ever. Consider it good people watching or utterly disgusting, I suppose you’ll have to make that choice. I know where I stand.

Barf!

via Thrillist

Why did you buy me that?

Ever get a present from someone that leaves you thinking WTF? Clearly, many people have. And the website, Why Did You Buy Me That?, is a collection of those unwanted, ugly, useless, possibly creepy (see above) gifts.

via Doobybrain

Hairpiece or Herpes?

Remember this? Have the fun all over again with Hairpiece or Herpes! Again, I’m going with one in the same…

via Doobybrain