What has a golden shower, in-flight entertainment, drunken teenagers and a little bit of vomit? If you said a recent Jet Blue flight from Portland to JFK, you win! I feel a little bit like I’m about to tell on of those stories that starts with What’s grosser than gross?
Just last night on a red-eye into New York, a drunken teenager, obviously blitzed out of his mind, either couldn’t or didn’t even attempt to make it to the airplane’s lavatory. Instead, he parked it 5 rows up and pissed all over an 11-year old girl, whose father was away using the actual lavatory. It goes without saying that the father was beyond upset, resulting in the pair being separated and the teen being relocated to the ass of the plane, adjacent to the restrooms (good thinking, Jet Blue, just a little too late).
Now, I’ve had men pee in in lots of places other than the toilet before (which a story for another time), but never on me. That’s an experience I’m not sure I could come back from. Poor girl, she’ll never want to put a weiner in her mouth now. He’s ruined her for like, ever.
But that’s not all. As if the flight wasn’t bad enough, another passenger, completely unrelated to the peeing incident, began to complain of chest pains and them promptly barfed all over himself. Of course not a single sole on the plane copped to being a nurse or doctor or even having any relatable medical knowledge so the poor sap had to suck it up, hold his breath and attempt to live for the remainder of the flight.
Upon landing, police and medical personnel raided the plane, took chest pains dude to the hospital and the pee-er into custody. He was issued a summons for indecent exposure and released so fortunately for him, no jail time. I will say that I have never been on a flight as exciting as that. As long as you weren’t the 11-year old or the barfer, that’s some serious, although smelly, entertainment. However, if I am ever on a flight in which the entertainment is so good that they cancel, delay or terminate the flight, there will be hell to pay. Mark my words.
I’m not even going to assume that there is one person left on the planet that isn’t already using Pinterest (especially with how frequently I get the “Ugh…” message). Now don’t get me wrong, I love Pinterest and would marry that damn website if I could, but sometimes I come across something that literally stops me in my tracks and makes me think, “WTF???” So instead of hogging all those finds to myself, I’m going to share them with you. Because I’m generous like that.
So let’s all welcome the inaugural WTF. I like to call him Unicorn Boy. I think he’s magical.
I will get to my BlogHer ’11 recap shortly, but in the meantime, I need to share something else with you. On my train ride into work this morning, I read the newspaper. Leisurely, as I flip through the front page section, I notice an ad about a third of the way down the page. I read the headline, “It Only Takes One Day To Get Your Smile Back.” I am intrigued. And then I see the picture and it all changes.
SURE, IT MAY ONLY TAKE ONE DAY TO GET YOUR SMILE BACK, BUT EXACTLY HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO ERASE THAT VISUAL FROM MY MIND??????!!!!!!
And because misery loves company, here you go. It’s blurry yes, because I am giving you the choice to click on it and see it in all its horrific detail. But if you do click on it, don’t blame me. I warned you!
Am I behind the times because I had NO idea about the best-of-craigslist and the magnitude of freak show that it is. Did you know about this? Oh Lordy, I need to catch up! These are just some of the deliciousness that is the best of…
Well, not mine exactly, but I’d put money on it that yours is, if you have one. Lord knows my mister’s ex is. And how! And since misery loves company, there’s a whole site devoted to crazy ex-wives everywhere. Hmm, maybe not devoted to them. More like a bunch of shit-talking about them. So have at it – share your story or commiserate in the stories of others. Your choice, but as the site says, “Speak now or forever hold your grief.”
Before you go looking at these photos, consider yourself warned – some of these are NOT for the faint of heart. Similar to the public debacle that is People of WalMart, People of Public Transit is a visual display of why I don’t take the bus. Ever. Consider it good people watching or utterly disgusting, I suppose you’ll have to make that choice. I know where I stand.